i'm so sorry. i let the both of you down.

well. once bitten, twice shy.

this is just not for me.

i don't know how else to carry on.

i cried myself to sleep.

i guess that's the only thing i'm capable of now.

-----

my head hurts.

i hate all of this.

i just hope for someone who couldhold me tight and not let go.

but i know this is something which i can only hope for.

it was never within my grasp to begin with.

i guess the guilt is really getting to me. you've made me realise how important love is . even for those who are closest to me and would stand by me no matter what. i can't put on a facade everytime she asks me how my life is. it is perfect i must say. everything i wanted is everything i could really have. you've made me treasure what i have now and know the true value of what love is. i just don't know how much i can hold on much longer. as much as you mean a lot to me, i often question myself if that is what i really want in my life.

all that happened today has nothing to do with what i have to say here. i wanted to let you know about this today. but i guess it just wasn't the time to let loose.

i'm really dog tired.

gosh. i had the weirdest dream.

YAY!!! I MET MARC TODAY (: he skipped two buses just so that he could board the double decker. haha. i hoped on the bus and we headed to town. bought pencil cases from borders and i got really pretty candles!!!! i has a purpose though. haha. although a little pricy. but i believe it's worth the while:D and and i saw this nice nice book there!!! but my borders card no more moolah. pfft. if not i swear i'd bought the book. it looked too good to be missed anyway. haha.

pastamania at cine. YUM! followed by taking neoprints. long time since i've used that machine and we were all flustered. in the end, took more than 10 pics, suppose to choose 6 but we chose 3. when the time was up, it was just *huh*. yea. so went for a second time. haha. got nth better to do. but i had fun (: haha

bryan came back from camp today because of a tummyache. yea. doc said it could be because of problems with the gall bladder. but he seems fine to me. let's hope it stays that way yea (:

and i don't know how to react and mommy's crazy actions today. omg. it's like i don't know if i should laugh or cry. just read on.

me:so what did doctor say about bryan's stomach?

mommy: he said that it could be GARL BLADDER infection.

ger: huh?

later on..

me: how about auntie's shoulder? how did the op go?

mommy: oh. heng nth serious. it was just PULSE?

me: O.O

and then..

me: mommy!!! i can't find the book!!!

mommy: i help you find later la!!!! come come baby, i show you where we are gonna stay when we go sydney*smiles*

me: what...... (baby?haha)

and when she finds the book...

*i just came over from daddy's room*

*opens door*

me: you found the book!!! * just when she wants to hide it behind her back *

i pretended i didn't see that. haha. after all she found my book (:

but she confessed. not that she said "omg! you scared me"

instead..

mommy: i so cute hor! see you open the door i jump leh!!

ger: (no choice) yes. i saw it.

mommy: i was gonna hide it and tell you i can't find it and then surprise you by going "TAH DAH!!!"

ger: hahahahahahaha.omg.

mommy: see la. where got mother so cute? i even scared myself when you opened the door. i so cute right!!

i guess i just love my mom a while lot.

don't think i make a perfect daughter as much as she makes my perfect mom.

studying again. omg this few days are killing me. the stupid aircon men had to come to early and hence i missed out on my sleep. pfft. everywhere i go there's no freaking place for me to sleep. maybe that's why i'm not very energised although i got a little crazy when i met up with kell and wq.

then the drilling started. i didn't even have peace in my shower. grrr. it's so freaking irritating luh. in the end i left the house for np. yea. that kind of explains why i was with kell and wq. so anyway, that ass didn't really study for his test again. PLEASE STUDY!!! helped him a tad bit. he called kell and she didn't wanna come down earlier. until she knew that i was there. awww. yes. i should be honoured. haha. and i was actually leaving traces on everytable i used at the atrium. and one of wq's friend actually lives 13 blocks away from me. haha. how coincidental. yea. but anyway.

oh saw S and J. omg. his face is disgusting to the max. hahahaha. [kell, dont laugh]

left after buying tako yaki. yum!!!!

can't wait for tmr. I'M MEETIN MARC :DDDD

tributes to lou and hannah:)

PJ HOCKEY!!!

HOCKEY!!!

RETARDES -.-

i love bel!!!

photos as promised:)

MET UP WITH BERNETTE DARLING AND LIM WEI QUAN TODAY!!!

OMG. miss them like crazy crazy man. studying along was productive and all. not till weiquan came. wth. he just didn't want to study for his paper tmr. and i was seriously dying from hunger pangs if not for him COMING earlier than expected. bought my octopus BALLS and beef steak. lunch was yummilicious. the stupid knife cannot cut one luh. i ended up sawing the styrofoam box -.- .

yunye video called weiquan and i really didn't know that he could hear us. so much for calling him gay. haha. he joined us to "study" for a while before leaving with his friend. i swear his laughter is gay. okay. not really him but the laughter. you so gotta hear it. haha. everytime he laughs i don't laugh cos of the matter but due to his laughter. haha. wth. yes i know.

cyn came to meet nette for dinner. that naughty girl. haha. but i'm not much far off as compared to her. that explains CLOSE GIRLFRIENDS. haha. left with wq to meet the rest of the guys at west mall. junwen's an ass. wanna see nette don't wanna see me. hmph!

oh yes. and i know you guys better COME to bernette's house soon!

to nette: i hoe all bad air will be cleared soon kay(:

to huihan: maybe you just need a little time(:

to ben: you ass. better talk to me soon :D

going through those old photos does really bring back memories. i miss CHROMIUM. the nine of us. the old times. those were the days...

imisstammie...

30 may 2008,friday

went out with marc after his geog paper. had truckloads of fun as usual. never bored with that loverboy :D

back to fazee's house where we prepared food for the farewell party for our seniors.

finished up the ppt.

farhana left for home to get the rest of the stuff.

silvia, fazee and i were screaming like nobody's business cos of the stupid rain.

waving my hands frantically in the air just so that the cab driver could see me.

loads of camwhoring with bel and the rest while setting up the ppt in the LT. (photos up soon i promise)

-and i swear bel's head is as hard as a coconut. hahahahaha.

we hoped that the ppt would cause tears to be shed. but tons of laughter came out instead. well, at least all of us had fun.

wanted to finish the last of the fruit punch but ended up with two huge stains like i got my boobs shifted on my shirt -.-

thankfully sok lent me her shirt:)

macdonalds with fazee and silvia before heading home.

dead beat.

31 may today, saturday

swensens with mommy,daddy and bryan. the spaghetti serving is so small:(

bryan is a born glutton/pig/big stomach/bottomless pit.

he had fish and chips, then followed by a mcspicy meal and huge bucket of popcorn.

OMFG?haha.

and i know where those shit pimples on his face came from. that gross pig.

caught prince caspian.

it's been a long time since the whole family caught a movie.

had fun today.

although mommy had to put a damp note.

she just refused to take a look at the watch that i wanted:(

nevertheless, thanks for everything:D

dad was trying to be funny. as always. haha.

although its the halls, this few days totally feels like any typical school day.

26 may monday

woke up early to acc marc to study in school.

pw lec thereafter.

my stomach was screaming for food. never felt so hungry in my entire life. bought cup noodles but didn't eat it cos miss ho came already.

TIME FOR HOCKEY:D

today tuesday

thankfully rw texted to ask where was CSE lec. if not i'd missed it totally. today's lec was kinda impt. thanks girl:)

so, reached school at 8-ish. dead tired.

snoozed in chem lec. hengelaosai alkenes and alkanes are not tested. PHEW!

pw meeting to finish up GPP. it was quite productive i must say.

marc was stealing my fries. grr.

went to lot one to find my pencil box was not fruitful.

i have to rush my reflection and EoM by thurs. omg. i'm gonna die.

AND I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON REVISION. AH MA GAD!

YOU GUYS ROCK MY WORLD;D

even if you're gonna go ahead with your decision, i want you to know that you're always a part of us and you'll always be our babe:) and and and!!! YOU BETTER HOLD YOU PROMISE!

24may

skipped chinese.

mugged at sanc.

marc came.

played stacko which determined if he still remained the head of HIGH CO. haha. (hel lost. oopsie) but...still high co head. haha

25may

GP paper. went out with marc after that. truckloads of fun. I FORGOT TO CAMWHORE!! :((((

met kell for dinner.

marc left for home.

heaps of fun at dinner!!!

table drawing

enjoying her food as usual and took so long to finish it.

looks gross from here though

nice pic huh:)

heavenly ice cream:)

unwanted cream and cocoa powder

love you many many.

always here when you need me.

went out for lunch with mommy and daddy at family restaurant at taka. they used to be called pariss international. the name changed. the rates now are cheaper too! they food is heaven. would sure wanna go back there again. forgot my cam. so no pics.

kell came over at around 6 after finishing her project. talked. laughed. did loads of random stuff. i swear that girl acquired a "i like to praise myself" disease. haha. nevertheless, i still love her loads.

she was suppose to meet the guys for dinner at vivo but it was back to the hawker centre near my place somehow or rather. haha. truckloads of fun. when i finally wanted to camwhore, my cam died on me. yea. thanks. jw, wq and ben played crazy taxi on kell's com and i swear they went crazy alright. and omg. ben's hair was "nice" haha. yea *skeptical look* but it's alright. kell was like omg, you should get a pair of huge specs, button up your shirt and carry your bag really high;girls will immediately flock to you. haha. wth. but yea. we laughed, we had memory loss and many many random moments. ahhhh. i enjoyed myself with those babes. wonder when will it be the next time i see those asses again. gonna miss them:( but i know it's gonna be soon:) haha.

to weiquan, so sorry didn't reply your msg the other time. i didn't even recall it's existence in my phone. really really sorry. but no matter what it is, you can always count on me. please don't laugh luh kay. haha. i really mean what i say. and really really sorry i didn't reply that msg of yours. i think i forgot. but still , the five of you, yes the five of you will always be my darlings. that's for sure. much love!!!

after a very very long time, i've got the photos from bel.

HERE'S TO HOCKEY!:)

more pics coming up soon!!!

it's been a long long time since i've blogged again. hardly every find time to blog these few days. have been returning home late almost every night.

mon and tues - sports heats

wasn't too bad although my legs do hurt real bad now:(

weds - training

thurs - HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIEREN!!! went to np to find jr. sadly, he had prject disucssion. met only for a short while. omg. haven't seen that ass for damn long. haha. and as always, he always shun my hugs. pangsai.

fri - training. practised for the relay. got thrown by sok. thanks. haha. marc waited for me to end training. kell came to return my guards. haven't seen that girl for quite long. i think. haha. both of us were real tired. so didn't talk much. oh wells.

to us, silence does speak a thousand words:)

i cut my hair and i don't like my fringe:(

i've realised i haven't blogged in a week. haha. okay maybe the reason is because i have been keying in the wrong password to the wireless connection. okay. that aside. yest today has been spent with darling kell. haha.

fri.

had a nice dinner at railmall with that girl and then off to west coast park. camwhored. screamed cos of stupid bugs. was being super bimbotic. dunno why. at least that ass had a good laugh:) refused to walk across the sand cos it would dirty by feet. haha. yea. and then we kind of got lost. found ourselves by the coast. the night scene was beautiful. but the wind was seriously blowing my ass off. that girl felt okay though. i was the only one feeling like winter just came. wq, huihan, yunye and joel came to find us. yup. they were having a birthday bbq. and then yea. we talked as in the two of us. reached home at 11-ish.

i swear we were born camwhores. haha.

delicious tom yam:)

green curry

pat thai

enjoying her meal of course:)

it's so random that i don't know what to say. haha.

this is for you girl, you camwhore! haha

I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND TO BITS <333333

daddy please get well soon:(

sat.

woke up early and ran out of my room remebering about dad's toe. a hug definitely makes the day all better:) shopping with mommy and mother's day dinner. cutting my hair tmr. kell said this week's like makeover week for me but oh wells. haha. i'll "twy" to think of it that way:)

i miss you lotsssssss. that dream really scared me:(